his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
