At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize