So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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