I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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