suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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