So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
