oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
