Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
