Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
