He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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