So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Im part way to drunk.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
