we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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