Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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