There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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