Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
