i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
