Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize