i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
