I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
