shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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