I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize