If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
