So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
