sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
