Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That accounts for only three of the penises
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
