so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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