Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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