my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
