thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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