DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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