Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
