she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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