i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
