woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
