He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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