I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
