I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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