Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
