what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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