I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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