Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize