is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
