During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
