Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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