direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize