OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
be right there i have to get my cape
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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