Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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