You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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