i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
