sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
