I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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