he thought i was a dude.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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