i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
