fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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