My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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