my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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