I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
only if we run a train.
done.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
