I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
