Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
