Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
