Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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