i just google imaged poop.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
