Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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