The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
is that a dick in a sweater?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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