Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
