You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
