I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
