We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize