I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
