Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
