On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
