he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
