So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
