yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
