i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
